我的过活

　　闲居家中逾三日了，少了学校式的生活，时间长了不觉有些无聊，想法也便多了起来。想想，从考试的时候心就已经飞回来了，到真回来了，却没有了之前的欢喜。一叹息，两年了，两年来，我是否真的有了奋进的目标和动力，我是否还有自己的一份自信和天真，我是否真的长大了，老实说没有也没成功，相反很失败。大学式的生活，也许我认为是颓废的，也许在别人眼中还挺体面的。平庸地学习着，日复一日，没有争风，低调地生活着，年复一年。没有羡慕。猖狂的我也少了些锐气。每天如此的经过着，寻不出真实的我，学期末了才发现这学期自己应该留点什么，因此自然就不敢怠慢了考试，可心中却又无动力去考，想的也只是有一个看似不错的成绩撑着脸面，也好下学期继续自信地活在人群中。没有激情可言，也无真情可感，这样的生活和着我的青春印在了我现在的大学。听着老男孩，我不禁老气横秋起来，没有追寻也许是一种别样的感伤，而我就麻木地站在那里，没有了当年的热血。当初的愿望实现了吗?初的理想淡忘了吧?也许经年之后我们也会有这样的话语想说而嘴里却只剩哽咽。浪漫的色彩总会被误认为是装b的感慨，真正经风受雨时，谁会知道自己能否走的长远?亲人朋友同学关心自己的人还有被自己关心的人，因为现实的距离会变得越来越遥远，曾经的陪伴只换来了没有自我的过活?厌恶自己虚伪，也厌恶别人虚伪，我要改变的只是真真切切，没有被生活改变自己的模样，没有被自己祭奠的青春。
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